Mangano gets permission to build jail cell in the newly renovated Nassau Coliseum so he can wait for NY Islanders return
Edward Mangano, Nassau County Executive, announced today that he is adding ONE seat to the newly renovated Nassau Coliseum, now known as NYCB LIVE.
The seat will be in one of the luxury suites and will be specially-fitted to meet Nassau County’s criteria for a jail cell.
The county executive and his wife, Linda Mangano, have plead not guilty to 13 counts that include extortion, bribery, fraud, and obstruction. If all counts stick, Mangano is looking to up to 20 years in prison if convicted.
“We wanted to be ready, just in case,” said Mangano’s spokesman Brian Nevin speaking exclusively to IslesBeat.com. “Especially when the NY Islanders are sure to come back…. eventually. They are coming back, right?”
The NY Islanders currently play at Barclay’s Center on a 25 year “iron clad” deal that was clearly just made of cotton candy. Who in god’s name declared it iron-clad anyway, Sean Spicer?
According to various reports and leaked documents that finally came out years after, there are a series of opt outs that could leave the NY Islanders out of Brooklyn, causing hipsters to be forced to go to over 40 super-concerts of Beyoncé and Jay-Z in order for Barclay’s Center to actually make more profit than their current NHL team that sells more corporate seating than the hapless Brooklyn Nets.
NYCB LIVE’s luxury box is said to be complete with custom iron bars made of melted down Grumman toxic waste, a deluxe commode with no privacy, and a special lithograph of Alphonse D’Amato, one of a Mangano’s biggest lobby donors who was a former supporter and then opponent to the NY Islanders former owner Charles Wang’s Lighthouse Project.
“They are coming back. They just have to,” said Mangano to reporters at the ribbon-cutting ceremony of the jail cell, referring to the NY Islanders, who are constantly annoyed when Mangano mentions them.
“We have a no comment to our no comment,” said a NY Islanders media spokesman who actually finally answered an email inquiry.
“Hey, can you get us back on NY Islanders official media emails?”
“Who are you again?”
Anyhow, Mangano has plead not guilty, and also rejected calls from both political parties, who usually agree on nothing, to step down.
“Screw that. We are going to trial” exclaimed the beleaguered Nassau Executive. “I just called Brett Yormark when I was arraigned for my one phone call and he was happy to put it together.”
Per Yormark, when the NY Islanders return to NYCB Live, only season ticket holders will be able to visit Mangano.
“Here we are with another great benefit of being an Islanders season ticket holder…. errr…. when they actually agree to come over to Nassau Coliseum,” said Brett to IslesBeat.
When citing reports that NY Islanders owners, Scott Malkin and Jon Ledecky, who paid a half billion valuation for a city team not being willing to return to Nassau, Brett Yormark shakes his head.
“They are being a bit dodgy right now, but they will come around. Plus, we just installed a brand new goal horn that sounds like Long Island Expressway traffic. Fans will just love it.”
IslesBeat has learned that concert-goers who pay for the $40 parking will have the ability to wait on long lines to purchase food from the Long Island Taste food vendors and throw it at Mangano during concerts as well as MMA and wrestling events.
Nassau County Office of Corrections cited that this last part was a big incentive to letting their be a jail cell at NYCB Live.
“The chance to save some money on meals with fans throwing food was really attractive to us allowing us to stay under budget.” they said.
According to sources, NIFA, the oversight of any Nassau County expenditure, will allow the cost, even though the County has been in deep debt since former Nassau Executive Thomas Gulotta’s tenure 1987 to 2001.
“Anything that keeps Mangano far away from future county budgets is A-OK in our book” per NIFA Chairman Adam Barsky.
When asked if the NYCB Live can still be a Nassau County profit-maker when no businesses are willing to come in and Northwell Hospital has dropped their medical building plans, Barsky chortled wildly.
“Dude this County is going to be in debt until the ocean rises and just takes us all out in 60 years. Good gravy, I need a drink!”
Both Barclay’s Center and the Isles organization promise to continue t0 leak items to the press on how terrible the other is so we can all pull our hair out until 2018.
Until then, Edward Mangano will be waiting with bated breath and perhaps a rock hammer.
Note: No animals were harmed in the fabrication of this story.